Lovers Rot: An Open Letter To Amy Robach and TJ Holmes

 

Lovers of Good Morning America and beyond, found themselves immersed in the unfolding tale of TJ Holmes and Amy Roebuck as their private turned public romance played out on the world stage for all to see. Their podcast, “Amy and T.J. Podcast”, exposed the raw essence of their relationship for all to hear in a recent episode called “Things Ain’t Right”. Unresolved issues weaved through the entire episode, seemingly untouched prior to their candid recording. This article serves as an open letter to TJ and Amy while reflecting on my own voyage through love's hits myths and dysfunction. A nostalgic return, a moment of remembrance, and a glimpse into the wisdom that now informs my choices on the path of love. But before we delve further, let me introduce you to a captivating tune called "To Build a House," sung by Cosima. Her lyrics resound,

“To build a house on quicksand

That's what you're asking me to do

To give you the heart you’ve broken

How can that feel alright to you?”

 

As I penned the following piece, I listened to this melody as it echoed the sentiment I've shared here—a sentiment many others have intimately experienced on their own journey toward love.

 

Dear Amy and TJ, 

I appreciate your willingness to allow us into your sacred spaces even though I fear all of those spaces aren’t being looked after enough before the general public gets to inject what they will into them. Nonetheless, I found myself right back to where I was 2 years ago trying to explain to my Ex the very exact thing that you Amy said to TJ, and I heard you Amy, Not only did I hear you I felt you because although it was with slightly different wording two years ago I was you. I was trying to explain to this man whom I loved with everything I had how at certain moments and at certain times he would abandon me. Trying to convey in a palpable way what it feels like when your other half is not who you have known. How to explain how where there was warmth a coldness has grown. I don’t have to tell you Amy how much that triggered the foundation of our connection in every way, how like wild horses my fears tethered to my imagination broke free in a way that both captivated and terrified me. 

I wanted TJ to hear you so desperately in a way I never felt heard or safe because how do you feel safe if there's no real understanding, of what it's like to be abandoned? What it feels like to be left standing, empty and empty-handed when you’ve reached for what it seems is gone. While you try to tell your heart that your fears have rested in a place where they don’t belong. In the end, the fears I couldn’t fight were right all along, he did in body what he began to do in spirit way before. I then began the journey of surrendering to the truth that who he was he was, and that not even for me, could be one thing more. 

I hope the fate of your relationship takes a different path. I pray that TJ is finally able to hear you someday before you succumb to the cost of the emotional exhaust of not being heard, because when things come to a halt, how many times can it be your fault? How many times do you have to apologize for what you feel, when your perceptions are dismissed with condescension and a kiss? What I wish I had known back when I lived in that space is that you don’t have to drop your anchor in a harbor that isn’t safe. You don’t have to place your heart in the hand of a man unwilling to expand to love you in all of the love languages you speak. If nothing else in this uncertain world we face, who we love, with whom we share our most sacred space, with that person whom we have chosen, whom it feels like at times time is frozen, and for whom a thousand times our heart has broken. Safety should not be a token lost to the unspoken.